The space we're in by Katya Balen.

The space we're in by Katya Balen. Margaret Ferguson Books/Holiday House 2019. 

I read it because the subject headings said it was about death and grief. Which it is. But is so much more.

The first third, or so, of the book sets up the family dynamic.

Told in the first person by Frank, you meet his family: Mum, Dad, Granny M and Max - his younger brother. Max is autistic and sometimes Frank is ashamed. Impatient. Resentful. All normal.

Then, their mother dies.

The family members' grief is honestly portrayed. Their father's inability to cope - to even make a pretence of coping. Until Frank loses it. And they begin to come together, to make it work. Even though there is a huge part of their lives missing.

The friends and family and support workers are all people, with characters - even if they only have small roles in the story.

It is a truly magical and beautiful book.

The true colours of Coral Glen by Juliette Forrest.

The true colours of Coral Glen by Juliette Forrest. Scholastic 2019. 

A fantasy ghost adventure tied up in Coral's grief and guilt over her grandmother's death. 

The grief of Coral and her parents keeps them isolated and insular, unable to see or understand each other's grief. 

Coral keeps her feelings to herself, and cannot tell her parents that she believes she is responsible for her grandmother's death. 

The end of the adventure gives Coral the courage to express her guilt and receive comfort in return. The final scene of reconciliation and support feels quite hurried and quickly wrapped-up. 

Caterpillar summer by Gillian McDunn.

Caterpillar summer by Gillian McDunn. Bloomsbury Children’s Books 2019. 

A story not so much about current grief, but that of a family trying to make it after the death of their father. And a child growing-up too fast, and wanting to just be a kid, sometimes. 

It is a story of forgiveness and family. One of growing up, and of being a kid. 

It is a story of strength - quiet or otherwise.  

Corey's rock by Sita Brahmachari & Jane Ray.

Corey's rock by Sita Brahmachari, illustrated by Jane Ray. Otter-Barry Books 2018. 

There is no plot, but what there is is a gentle and compassionate exploration of grief and the long, slow process of 'healing' and recovery. 

There is hope at the end, but still grief. 

The grief and compassion extends beyond the family, and shows the impact a death can have on a tight community. 

An island of our own by Sally Nicholls.

An island of our own by Sally Nicholls. Scholastic 2019. 

In the aftermath of death, what happens? 

Holly and Davey's parents have both died - their mother a year before the book begins. 

In that year, Holly has been growing up and helping care for her younger brother, Davey. While their older brother is their legal guardian and carer, doing everything he can to hold the family together - at 19. 

An adventure and treasure hunt, only tangentially about grief. But a lot about coping in the aftermath. 

The funeral by Matt James.

The funeral by Matt James. Groundwood Books / House of Anansi Press 2018.

A child’s view of a funeral – of a great-uncle. A view which includes boring speeches, fancy food, and playing with your favourite cousin. 

Sometimes, funerals are fun and for fancy food and friends – if you’re a child.

If you are attending a funeral with a child – particularly a funeral of someone you’re not necessarily very close to – this might be a good place to start the discussion.

That summer by Tony Johnston & Barry Moser.

That summer by Tony Johnston, illustrated by Barry Moser. Harcourt 2002. 

I have read a lot of death books over the years, and some affect me more than others. This one got me in the tear ducts.

The story of a family, told by a big brother, as they say their extended goodbyes to Joey. Joey’s death comes after a summer of ailing, of preparation, of tears, and of memories – old and nearly created.

My old pal, Oscar by Amy Hest & Amy Bates

My old pal, Oscar by Amy Hest, illustrated by Amy Bates. Abrams Books for Young Readers 2016. 

The first person narrator tries to tell a stray puppy that they don’t need a dog – Oscar is all the dog they’ll ever need. But, Oscar isn’t here – and the puppy needs a home, and a name, and reassurance during the storm.

As the narrator comes to realise they may end up with a new puppy, the illustrations change to warmer hues.

A quiet and gentle story of memories and new beginnings, as the narrator tells the puppy all about Oscar.

Rabbit and the motorbike by Kate Hoefler & Sarah Jacoby

Rabbit and the motorbike by Kate Hoefler, illustrated by Sarah Jacoby. Chronicle Books 2019. 

Rabbit’s friend, Dog, leaves him his motorbike – and all the memories of Dog’s stories. But Rabbit is scared, so the bike gathers leaves until, one day, Rabbit faces his fears and rides. It feels like Dog is with him during the trip, all the way home – and to new friends.

A story of memories, facing fears, and the cycle of friendship.

Luna's red hat by Emmi Smid

Luna's red hat: an illustrated storybook to help children cope with loss and suicide by Emmi Smid, with a contribution by Dr Riet Fiddelaers-Jaspers. Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2015. 

It doesn’t really pull many punches in the anger and hurt Luna feels after her mother’s suicide, but offers simple, child-appropriate, messages about why someone would commit suicide. Completely non-judgemental.  

Bone dog by Eric Rohmann.

Bone dog by Eric Rohmann. Roaring Brook Press 2011.

Bonds of friendship and love cannot be broken, even after death, as Gus discovers when his dead dog, Ella, returns to save him from skeletons on a Halloween night.

Reassuring, in a creepy, Halloween way.

Fox & Goldfish by Nils Pieters.

Fox & Goldfish by Nils Pieters. Book Island 2016. 

Told almost entirely through illustrations, this is the story of Fox, preparing to farewell his friend, Goldfish. 

A cute book, which may, however, require more explanation than it offers help. 

Molly's memory jar by Norma Spaulding & Jacqui Grantford.

Molly's memory jar by Norma Spaulding, illustrated by Jacqui Grantford. New Frontier Publishing 2010. 

Lucy’s father helps her find a way to remember and rejoice in her memories of her dog, Molly, by creating a memory jar. 

This may be a useful tool for grieving children and families.

Sammy in the sky by Barbara Walsh, paintings by Jamie Wyeth.

Sammy in the sky by Barbara Walsh, paintings by Jamie Wyeth. Candlewick Press 2011. 

Beautifully illustrated, this story deals with the realities of death and grief – and children’s questions – in an approachable and age-appropriate way.

If all the world were... by Joseph Coelho, illustrated by Allison Colpoys

If all the world were... by Joseph Coelho, illustrated by Allison Colpoys. Frances Lincoln 2018.

Simple, poignant, story of a young girl and her relationship with her aging grandfather.

The process of dealing with the immediate aftermath of a death is dealt with (tidying up, finding treasures) and the wishful thinking and reminiscing after a death. Grandad leaves her a legacy – both physical (a new notebook) and emotional.

What's happened to baby?

What's happened to baby? written by members of SIDS (Wellington), Sands (Wellington) and Skylight, illustrated by Ali Teo. Skylight 2007. 

Simple and direct, this tells the story of a whanau / family grieving at the early death of their baby. It is narrated by the big sister, and includes reassuring messages to childhood questions and fears – including magical thinking (was it something I did?).

Grandma lives in a perfume village by Fang Suzhen, Sonja Danowski, & Huang Xiumin.

Grandma lives in a perfume village by Fang Suzhen, illustrated by Sonja Danowski, translated by Huang Xiumin. NorthSouth 2015. 

Xiao Le visits their dying grandmother and, after her death, tries to reassure their grieving mother. Adults will need to explain the concepts of death and grief, and this is written from a child’s perspective and understanding. It may be a good conversation starter.

Missing Jack by Rebecca Elliott.

Missing Jack by Rebecca Elliott. Lion Children’s 2015. 

A lovely story about a pet cat growing old, and the eventual adoption of a new cat. Simple, sparse text highlights the emotion of the narrator.

The stranded whale by Jane Yolen, illustrated by Mel Cataldo.

The stranded whale by Jane Yolen, illustrated by Mel Cataldo. Candlewick Press 2015. 

Loss and anger permeate this story of a whale stranding and the children who tried to help, in vain. Changes in perspective, and in the colour palette, underscore the emotional journey of the narrator.

The building boy by Ross Montgomery, illustrated by David Litchfield.

The building boy by Ross Montgomery, illustrated by David Litchfield. Faber & Faber 2016. 

If you’re looking for a logical story which explains death and the grieving process, this is not it. It is, however, a magical tale of family and legacy.  

Sad! by Moira Butterfield, illustrated by Holly Sterling.

(Everybody feels) Sad! by Moira Butterfield, illustrated by Holly Sterling. QED 2016. 

A simple non-fiction book about feeling sad, and ways to feel better. One of the stories is of a boy whose pet cat has died.

Will my cat eat my eyeballs? by Caitlin Doughty.

Will my cat eat my eyeballs?: big questions from tiny mortals about death by Caitlin Doughty, illustrated by Dianné Ruz. Weidenfeld & Nicolson 2019. 

Honest and humorous, this is an entertaining look into life after death, including rituals and the decaying process.

Although questions may have come from children, the book itself is not written for them. 

Adult intervention may be required for inquiring young minds.

The grand wolf by Avril McDonald & Tatiana Minina

The grand wolf by Avril McDonald, illustrated by Tatiana Minina. Crown House 2016. 

Written in verse, this is a reassuring, albeit slightly trite, tale of finding comfort after a death. 

The illustrations are stilted, of a quality associated with older computer graphics.

Where do they go? by Julia Alvarez & illustrated by Sabra Field.

Where do they go? by Julia Alvarez, illustrated by Sabra Field. Seven Stories / Triangle Square Books for Young Readers 2016. 

Musing on what happens after death, using many of the common sayings - In clouds, in your heart, in others.

Death, itself, is not discussed, but this could be a useful conversation starter.

Waiting for Wolf by Sandra Dieckmann.

Waiting for Wolf by Sandra Dieckmann. Hodder Children’s Books 2019. 

A slightly surreal look at grief. Fox and Wolf are friends, but when Wolf dies (becomes starlight) Fox searches for him. Fox remembers Wolf's last message, and remembers the time they spent together.

I had a brother by Diana Menefy & Malene Laugesen.

I had a brother by Diana Menefy, illustrated by Malene Laugesen. OneTree House Ltd 2019. 

 

A straightforward, but powerful in that, story of a baby brother dying as a baby. The family have time to prepare and say their goodbyes, and make memories. 

Connor, the baby, is brought home, so there is a discussion about what his body feels like - stiff and cold.

There is also comfort found later, and acknowledgement that Connor is still a part of the family years later.

Cleo & Rob by Helen Brown, illustrated by Phoebe Morris.

Cleo & Rob by Helen Brown, illustrated by Phoebe Morris. Allen & Unwin 2019.

Based on the author's life (told in her adult memoirs), this picture book tells how a kitten helps Rob back to life after the death of his older brother, in a car accident. 

It is simply told, but sympathetically and realistically. 

At the end, Rob is a father, and shares stories of his brother and their cat, with his children.

I miss my grandpa by Jin Xiaojing.

I miss my grandpa by Jin Xiaojing. Little, Brown and Company 2019.

The importance of family memory through the generations and passed down. Although the protagonist never met her grandfather, he remains an important part of the life of family, including herself.

Hazel and the snails by Nan Blanchard, illustrated by Giselle Clarkson.

Hazel and the snails by Nan Blanchard, illustrated by Giselle Clarkson. ANNUALink 2019. 

Hazel's coping with all that is going on - her father is dying and Hazel is trying to make sense of her changing world.

Lenny's book of everything by Karen Foxlee

Lenny's book of everything by Karen Foxlee. Allen & Unwin 2018. 

I have read a lot of children's books on death, this is the only one I can think of that ends so soon after the death. Instead, it focuses on relationships and the growth of preparatory grief.

It is perfectly paced and nuanced. Each character plays their roles, and there is little stereotyping.

The invisible leash by Patrice Karst, illustrated by Joanne Lew-Vriethoff.

The invisible leash by Patrice Karst, illustrated by Joanne Lew-Vriethoff. Little, Brown and Company 2019. 

A comforting picture book about finding solace after the death of a pet.

The message may not work for all children, as it is quite twee and cutesy.

Mum’s jumper by Jayde Perkin

Mum’s jumper by Jayde Perkin. Book Island 2019. 

A simple, yet profound and moving discussion on grief, rather than death, as a young girl adapts to life without her mother.

The tiny star by Mem Fox, illustrated by Freya Blackwood

The tiny star by Mem Fox, illustrated by Freya Blackwood. Puffin 2019.

An allegorical journey through a human life cycle from birth to death.

As it is allegorical, the concept of death is not explicitly stated, but the comfort in seeing their ‘star’ for years after, may be of use for grieving children.

The community in this book is gloriously ethnically diverse. It is a book that oozes warmth and comfort.